The student wrote based off of his own experience of the first time he made love to his girlfriend. ” - Claire Schwartz, Loc 479Īgain, when we continue following this logic of “At least …”, where does it end? Nowhere good, that is for sure.Ī male student in a university writing class submitted a story for critique by his classmates and teacher-Aubrey Hirsch, the author of this essay. At least you have access to medical care.

Anything “less” than that, well, at least you could say it wasn’t as bad as what happened to Sylvia. “That was “real” rape anything less than that seemed like it was supposed to be tolerable. “What right do I have to be angry? At least I’m alive. At least I wasn’t raped like my Mom was, I told myself.” - Vanessa Mártir, Loc 1131 It didn’t matter that I sobbed the entire time.

It didn’t matter that I kept whispering no, no, no. It wasn’t rape because I stayed with him after. It wasn’t rape because I didn’t fight him off. It wasn’t rape because I still loved him. “I told myself it wasn’t rape because we were in a relationship. This was the second phrase which cropped up over and over and over again through the 29 essays. ” - Stacey May Fowles’ counsellor, Loc 3034Īny and all experiences from sexual harassment to assault to rape to having to exist in a world where rape culture exists, is all that bad. Everyone believes there is suffering worse than her own, that they should be strong enough to cope without me. “ The survivor who was raped at knifepoint feels guilty she has taken up the space of a survivor who was raped at gunpoint. Here is a quote from a counsellor at a sexual assault clinic who was working with one of the authors: If we buy into the notion for ourselves that what happened to us wasn’t “that bad”, then what does that mean for others around us who have suffered? We end up in this comparative circle of well X wasn’t as bad as Y wasn’t as bad as Z and where does it end? The thing is, when we minimise our experiences of sexual harrassment, assault or rape to being “not that bad” it hurts us-all of us. Not that bad, right? Lucky, Right?” - xTx, Loc 1410 Being dead is the only way to prove it was.” - So Mayer, Loc 1435 “If you survive, then it-that, the trauma- can’t have been that bad. “Millie confirmed to me that my mother’s suffering was worse than mine.

What I went through was bad, but it wasn’t that bad. “When I was twelve years old, I was gang raped in the woods.

Not That Bad by Roxane Gay